Another Joke

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

I think this was when Jimmy was farming in Tennessee :lol:

Tennessee farmer

A young journalism student at the University of Tennessee was assigned to write a human interest story, so he went up into the mountains were he found an old farmer sitting on his porch. He introduced himself, explained his mission, and asked, "Has anything ever happened here that made you really happy?"

The farmer thought for a moment, then said, "Yeah, one time my neighbor's daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost. We formed a posse and went to look for her, and when we found her, we all had our way with her."

"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can't you think of anything else that happened, which made you happy?"

The farmer thought for a while longer, then smiled. "Yep! One time a neighbor's sheep got lost. We formed a posse to look for it, and when we found it, we had our way with it."

Again, the young man said "I can't print that, either! Let's try another approach. Has anything ever happened around here that made you really sad?"

The old farmer dropped his head in shame. After a couple of seconds he looked up timidly at the young man and said, "This one time, I got lost..."

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

Do you sell Viagra?
A man walked into a pharmacy and up to the young lady pharmacist.

"Do you sell Viagra?", he enquires.

"Yes, we do." replies the pharmacist.

"Does it really work?", asks the man.

"Yes.", she answered.

"And can I get it over the counter?" he continues.

"Probably, if you took two of them!" replied the pharmacist.

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

The nuns & the vampire
Two nuns are driving along in a car when a vampire lands on their bonnet. The first nun shouts to the second nun, "Quick, show it your cross!".
So the second nun leans out the window and shouts, "Get of my damn car!".

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

Mouthwash salesman
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"

"It is!" replied the salesman. "Now do you wanna buy some mouthwash?"

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

Q: What's the difference between 'Snowmen' and 'Snowwomen'?

A: Snowballs!

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

3 types of people
There are 3 types of people in this world:
Those who can count, and those who can't.

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

For you computer Geeks

There are 10 types programers

Those who understand binary and those who don't

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

I was so ugly...

When I was born, the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look ... twins!"
--- Jimmy Biggs

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

Hormone problems

A woman goes to see her doctor after being prescribed testosterone, (a male hormone), because she is a little worried about some of the side effects she's been experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have helped, but I'm afraid that the dose may be a little high. I've started growing hair in places that I didn't before."

The doctor reassured her, "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair started appearing?"

"On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...", replied the lady.

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

Who makes the best patients?

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

bfnjz52 · **Joined:** Jan Wed 25, 2006 9:03 pm **Posts:** 2668

The Brain Store

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

docoldsotherhalf · **Posted:** Dec Sat 09, 2006 9:39 pm

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.
The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out..........
"I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too

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