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13 Reasons to Smile!
- Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
- Marriage changes passion. - Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
- I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. - So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
- How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
- I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
- When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
- Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
- Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
- Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
- Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
- Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
- Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"
- And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
_________________
Dick MacKenzie
''Life's tough......it's even tougher if you're stupid.'' -- John Wayne
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